in search of maths
by wolfmaiden1
Summary: Basically Me and my mates fall down a hole and screw up several loved storie


Dino, Taz, Lis, and the warped imagination.  
  
Well a fanfic of me bessie mates and me in various places of places were I have read. Well, it may be inane, but it has its attributes. For starters, it has all of us going to different places. Well, the story is were I and me mates screw up loved stories and novels in search of maths! Sane people beware!!!!!  
  
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The patrician is sitting at his desk, doing some paper work. Suddenly he looks up. Four girls are falling from the sky. One is wering a hawian shirt and green combats(Wolfmaiden), another is wering flaired jeans and a tight grey top(taz),the other one is wearing black flaied jeans and a tight black jumper(Dino). Finally there is Lis, who is wearing bootleg jeans and a black tee.  
  
All the girls:yyyyyyaaaaa (thunk, the table breaks in two)  
  
Dino: Ahha!  
  
Wolfmaiden: Shit!  
  
Taz: Fuck!  
  
Lis: SHITTY FUCK!  
  
Patrician(looks bemused): What on disc are you doing in my office falling from the sky!  
  
Lis: Fuck a duck, where are we?  
  
Wolfmaiden: I don't know, but by the look on this guys face we should try to get away from where ever we are.  
  
Dino: Shut up wolfmaiden, I think I broke something…..  
  
Taz: I think we broke this guys table.  
  
Wolfmaiden: Desk  
  
Taz: What?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Desk. We broke his desk.  
  
Taz: What the hell has this got to do with anything?  
  
Wolfmaiden: I don't know, I just think it's importaint.  
  
Dino: What the fuck are you on Wolfmaiden?  
  
Lis: Don't matter, she's crazy most of the time, so she has no idea what she's talking about.  
  
Patrician: I said, what the hell are you doing in my office?  
  
(Dino, Taz and Lis only just noticing him) Dino: I don't know. We're meant to be in maths.  
  
Lis: Yeah, we're ment to be learning stuff we don't need to know about, like 100 thinks to do with a dead parrot and algebra.  
  
Taz: Dead parrot?  
  
Lis: dead parrot.  
  
Dino: So, instead of maths, we fell down a hole near the libray….  
  
Lis: Which Wolfmaiden got us into  
  
Taz: And ened up here.  
  
Patrician: And who are you?  
  
Taz:I'm Taz  
  
Dino: Dino  
  
Lis: Lis. And she's(indicating wolfmaiden) Wolfmaiden.  
  
Patrician: And I'm the……  
  
Wolfmaiden:……………the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork? Where the fuck are we? This is definitely not maths!  
  
Patrician: You seem to knoe a little bit about where you are already, why don't you tell you charming friends( Looks at three of them touching stuff and looking slovenly)  
  
Wolfmaiden: Guys, we're in Ankh-Morpork.  
  
Taz: Ankh-Morpork rocks!  
  
Dino: Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo(starts dancing)  
  
Lis: Where is Ankh- Morpork?  
  
Wolfmaiden: On the disc  
  
Dino: (stops dancing) The …disc?  
  
Taz: (looks worried) Where the fuck is the disc?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Try the novels I'm always reading at school.  
  
Lis: you mean the fucking Terry Pratchett novels?  
  
Wolfmaiden: 'fraid so.  
  
Lis: Fu-uc-ck  
  
Dino: What the hell have you got us into?  
  
Lis: Yeah, you shit head!  
  
Taz:You mean we can't get out of this?  
  
Dino: that's just great! Thanks you fucker!  
  
Wolfmaiden: Look, look, look, I just need to work out when we are and I think I can get us outta here.  
  
Lis:When we are?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Yeah, so I can see weather to update my books, or at least boast to other nerds like me that I know whats going on in future books.  
  
Patrician: Excuse me?  
  
Dino: You keep out of this!  
  
Wolfmaiden: No, actually, let me talk. Lord Vetinari?  
  
Patrician: Yes?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Have you sent Vimes to Uberwald yet?  
  
Patrician: Why should I sent him to uberwald…..  
  
Wolfmaiden: Have you been at war with Klach recently?  
  
Patrician: no, but I believe………………..  
  
Wolfmaiden: Have you been poisoned yet?  
  
Patrician: Yet?  
  
Wolfmaiden: I was hoping this wouldn't be the case. Are Vimes and Lady sybil married yet?  
  
Dino: what the hell are you talking about?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Shut up! Are they?  
  
Patrician: No, but in a few days they will be…..  
  
Wolfmaiden: Dammit! Where in Men At Arms.  
  
Lis: What the fuck are you talking abut?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Look, I think we've gone back in time and crossed dimentions.  
  
Taz: Speak it in english Wolfmaiden  
  
Wolfmaiden: Basically, don't touch anything, say anything or do anything until I get us outta here.  
  
Taz: Whats this……(Picks up heavy object and promly drops it on the patricians head)  
  
Patrician: Ow! (faints)  
  
Dino: Oh god! I think we've killed this guy.  
  
Wolfmaiden, dino, taz and Lis:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
(They here footsteps on the stairs.)  
  
Lis: What the fuck are we going to do!  
  
Dino: I don't know,I don't know!  
  
Wolfmaiden: I do. We rob him and kill the next guy how comes in here( all look at her)Well, we've already killed him, we might as well rob his ass and kill some more  
  
Taz:Does anyone see the problem with that plan?  
  
(Look at each other): NO  
  
Taz: I don't . lets do it.  
  
Dino: I've looked out their. Theirs thousands of people, we would never get out of here alive!  
  
Wolfmaiden: What are the chances of us getting out of her alive?  
  
Lis: About 45653767567539673595239605 to 1  
  
Wolfmaiden: Not a million to one?  
  
LIS: Definitely not.  
  
Wolfmaioden: Damn!  
  
Taz: I've goty a plan!  
  
Dino: Come one, tell us!  
  
Taz: Well, you hid behind the table, with one arm in one hand, Lis does the voice, and we pretend he's alive.  
  
Patrician: Actually, I fell better………….  
  
Lis: shut up!(Hits him over thehead with the butt of a sword)  
  
Patrician: Ah!h!(faints again.)  
  
Lis: Me do the voice?  
  
Taz: just do it!  
  
(knock on the door, the four girls drag the body to the chair.)  
  
Lis: ( Tries to impersinate voice) *Cough, cough*, come in Vimes  
  
( Vimes comes in) Vimes: sir?  
  
Lis: What does this city( Dino waved arm to the window) Remind you of?  
  
Vimes: Well sir, when I was a kid, my family had a cow, and one day it got sick, and it was all ways my turn to clean it out……..  
  
Lis: I agree it looks like that, but it reminds me of a clock…  
  
Vimes: How?  
  
Lis: How?  
  
Vimes: well if you agree it looks like that, how can you say it reminds you of a clock?  
  
Dino: It just does okay, dumbass  
  
Lis: Shut up Dino! Well, it's cause all the parts like work in order and stuff.  
  
Vimes: Sir are you okay?  
  
Lis: No, I fell a bit ill, but I think you should hand over your sword!  
  
Vimes: My sword.Why?  
  
Lis: I don't remember( Wispering inadible apart from a "are you sure" and "Yes") I remember now. I want to sack you  
  
Vimes: Why?  
  
Lis: Because you're a dumb ass.(More whispering) Actually because you're upsetting the clock of the city.  
  
Vimes: like the clock outside your office?  
  
Lis: Noooooooooooooooooooo. I mean the system you arse hole, just give me your sword and retire.  
  
Vimes: but I don't want to.  
  
Lis: It's the narrative, just go with the flow…  
  
Vimes: You're definitely ill, let me…(Uncovers them from behind the desk) Ah-ha. What's going on here?  
  
Taz: We've killed the patrician, and I just want to tell you that it was all Wolfmaiden's fault!  
  
Wolfmaiden: Hey! I wasn't the one who knocked him out with a heavy object!  
  
Lis: yeah, but if it wasn't her, it would have been you!  
  
Wolfmaiden: How do you know it wouldn't have been you?  
  
Lis: Just because!  
  
Wolfmaiden: just let me talk to him, okay? (Turns to Vimes.) You know, I always though you would be taller.  
  
Vimes: What the hell are you talking about?  
  
Wolfmaiden: Well, anyway I think that we better just go, as we are actually assassins and have done our job  
  
Dino: Yeah…assassins. (Turns to Wolfmaiden and whispers) What are assassins?  
  
Wolfmaiden: later, Vimes we just need to give a receipt, and then we'll be going.  
  
Vimes: You've finally killed him?  
  
Patrician: No, I an very much ali…(Dino knocks him out with her hand)  
  
Dino: yes. Being assassins, we have killed him.  
  
Lis: Assassins?  
  
Taz: (whispers to Lis through her teeth) just go with the flow…  
  
Wolfmaiden: well, here's the receipt, we'll be going.  
  
(Lis, Taz and Dino disappear for no reason.)  
  
Wolfmaiden: (as disappearing) Oh yeah, the guy you're looking fore is the head assassin. (Disappears to fairy magic noise)  
  
Patrician: (waking up) Ah, Vimes what are you doing here?  
  
Vimes: Sir! I thought you were dead!  
  
Patrician: Well, I'm not. I think if we pretended that never happened, we could get along fine. Just go outside and I'll call in about 5 seconds  
  
Vimes: Yes sir!(salutes and walks out.)  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Well that was number one. Number 2. Middle earth. The fellowship 13. Unlucky for some, definitely for the original 9. See ya! 


End file.
